Rescuing a Tough Day

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for me.  Last week I called an out of state friend and shared that I was so sad about the current state of our country.  Her response of "Of course you are, dear," made me feel connected.  At least I wasn't alone.  She shared prayerful thoughts and inspirational things to read.  I felt better for awhile.  However, this week I've felt very alone again.  I've been in what a teacher friend of mine calls an "ugly head space" for months now.

At the end of June I shared with a friend how bad I felt about George Floyd's death.  Over the years she and I've gone out to lunch, talked about a lot of things and I really thought she would say something like, "Of course you do, dear, so do I."   Not her response.  Not even close.

I've been trying to sort this friend's response out ever since.  My sorting out has been very clunky.  It became all about me.  Was I clueless about a friend?  Does it say something about me to have a friend who made racist comments?  If we go out to lunch again, do I say something?  Will I ever want to go out to lunch with her again?

I got a call from my daughter yesterday evening -- at the end of the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."  I was not giving my usual cheerful responses and finally my daughter said, "What's wrong, mom?"  Over the years we've had loads of conversations about social justice.  She's a very thoughtful young woman, who keeps me on my toes about what's right.  She's taught me a lot and corrected me when I've said thought-less things.  Last night all she was was loving and supportive.  She gently suggested that maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself, and then, working to make me feel better, shared all the things she does or doesn't do when she's feeling sorry for herself.  She shared that when she feels hopeless it's because it doesn't look like things will ever get better.  But, she said, things are getting better, even if there's more to do.  And she reminded me there are things I'm doing to help make the world a better place.  She actually said almost the same things my husband had said earlier in the day.  Somehow coming from her I was finally able to hear them and feel better.

My new mantra is from the Dalai Lama:

"If you think you are too small to make a difference,
try sleeping with a mosquito."